Can long distance relationships work? Yes, they can if you have tracking device embedded deep in the sex organs of each individual and a satellite video manning every move, or a jet to visit each other at least twice a week.

Otherwise, it cannot work.

Yea, I can see them nodding their head saying I am talking sh** again. But you very well know a long distance relationship cannot work, so shut up. It is over even before he/she flies or swims overseas. Give it two weeks for a male and six months for a female.

The fact is that we all need some physical intimacy, especially for men.  The sweet talks on the phone, emails every day, the affectionate emoticons on MSN and Facebook, aren’t enough. It gets boring and ordinary after a while.

We need to see, touch and feel all the time, and that’s where technology fails. Yes, it is possible to strip naked in front the cam and flash your boobs and get swef, or talk nasty on the phone but that still ain’t enough. We need to stick our bat in a wicket.  Watching you doing a mini-porn show does nothing much for us because many of us masturbate every day watching porn online, so what’s new? I mean we see you naked most of the time when we’re together, so it’s just stale. We’ll get off more with a girl we’re seeing for the first time.

In time, we grow bored of hearing the same *^&^%&^: “how was your?”, “Are you ok?”, “I had a good day”, “Baby, I miss you”, “Baby I love you”.  Shut the 8** up. That’s what some of us want to say sometimes. Imagine doing that for two years?

Everyone cheats in a long distance relationship. That’s a fact. If cheating does not take place, she will dump you for a next man or woman, or vice versa. So let no one fool you.

I remember I had an ex long ago. We were so in love. When I was leaving we cried. I thought my world crashed but we vowed to stay together until she can come over. My friends knew I was depressed but told me to stop because it was unnecessary, and that soon I will meet some hot chick to screw.

Of course, I protested, saying that’s bull*** and that I love my girlfriend; I would never do anything to hurt her. Well, it turned out that my friends were right. Less than three weeks later – after burning hundreds of dollars on phone cards and daily web cam stripping – I met a chick. We had sex and my girlfriend was history. Well, I did not tell her. However, she cheated too. I heard rumours shortly after I left that her granny caught her screwing a long-time ex of hers. I asked her about it and she denied it (of course you know women lie lol). Well, she later confessed she kissed her ex and nothing more. (Oh please; I’ll believe women when donkey grow wings).

It’s just that long distance relationships won’t work. I know a lot of people who are cheating in long distance relationship.

Today, however, I have a greater message for everyone: do not trust anyone who tells you that their girlfriend or boyfriend is overseas and they don’t think it’s gonna work. Most times that’s a trick. They will date you seriously and three years later when that so-called ex is back, the fire is re-ignited and you get dumped. It happens all the time.

A lot of people are going around telling people they are single, simply because they have a secret long distance relationship. And of course you fall victim because such cheaters appear to be truly single – but they are far from that.

So if you’re thinking about maintaining ties, stop fooling yourself and wasting time. I know it is summer when a lot of people reunite, screw and go back to the same crap, OR the time when people are preparing for a long distance relationship because their lovers are flying out later this year to start school.

But enjoy it while it lasts because even before you take the plane, his willy wally is already dipping into some sauce or her butter cup already has a spoon in it.

Alternatively, either may be getting friendly with a substitute so guard their feelings.

So peeps stop fooling yourselves about making it work. My advice is that if you love each other so much, prepare to move together and make a life. One in and one out won’t work.

A long distance relationship works when either party agrees to date anyone until they meet again.

See ya next week!

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